The Stonecutter.

One of my favorite stories:

There was once a stonecutter, who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life.

One day, as he passed a wealthy merchant's house, and through the gateway, saw many fine possessions and important visitors. "How powerful the merchant must be!" thought the stonecutter. He became very envious, and wished that he could be like the merchant. Then he would no longer have to live the life of a mere stonecutter.

To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying the more luxuries and power than he had ever dreamed of, envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. But soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants, and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession. "How powerful that official is!" he thought. "I wish I could be a high official!"

Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around, who had to bow down before him as he passed. It was a hot summer day, and the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun. It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. "How powerful the sun is!" he thought. "I wish I could be the sun!"

Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everyone below. "How powerful that storm cloud is!" he thought. "I wish I could be a cloud!"

Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. "How powerful it is!" he thought. "I wish I could be the wind!"

Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, hated and feared by all below him. But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it - a huge, towering stone. "How powerful that stone is!" he thought. I wish I could be the stone!"

Then he became the stone, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the solid rock, and felt himself being changed. "What could be more powerful than I, the stone?" he thought. He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stonecutter.

In Loving Memory Of...


I just don't understand them.  I have had loved ones pass away, but never did I have the thought I should put a sticker on my car about it.  To me, those individuals meant more than that.

It seems everywhere I turn someone has a sticker on their back window reading "In loving memory of..." with the years this a person lived and then died.   I have to ask again why you think anyone else cares? When I'm behind you at a red light am I supposed to go "OH HOW SAD, I'm going to cry now for a dead stranger!"? Do you think other people will look at you and go "Now there's a good person, they remember their dead loved ones"? I don't care who lived or died in your family and no one else but you cares either. Yes, it's so sad that your 4 year old died - but why do I need to see it on the back of your car? So that I know when you cut in front of me without a turn signal it's probably because you're crying and depressed?  

Seeing the "In loving memory..." stickers makes me more think you are so inconsiderate that you can't even remember the person who died without a sticker on your back window to tell you what their name was and when they died. What happens when another family member dies do you have to put them on the back too? If you don't does it mean you didn't like them anyway?  Hope you don't outlive the rest of your family or you'll have a dozen "In loving memory..." stickers on your back window.

And how about the companies that make and sale these things?  They are profiting off the death of someone, and those who can't quite seem to get over it.  Where is the backlash?

If someone puts my name and death date on the rear window of their minivan or old pick up truck when I die, I swear, I will come back and haunt them forever.

I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas...

1 didn't even know her name until last Christmas.  But I hate Gayla Peevy.  I've never met her, I don't know her, but I hate her just the same.  I spent most of my life enjoying every element of the Christmas Season until about 5 years ago when I hear it for the first time; the gawd-awful mess that is "I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas." 

I have never heard anything more ridiculous in my life.  My hate for this pile of sh*t is two fold: 1- the singing will cause your ears to bleed. 2 - Annoying ass moms call into the radio station to request it so their snot nosed little kids can get 2 and a half minutes of joy before they bitch about something else they want. This song is a cancerous ear worm that lingers in it's victims longer than fruitcake in the pantry. 

Absent in this Christmas tune are thoughts of warm feelings, Christmas cheer, the story of the nativity, or anything else that makes the Christmas season so enjoyable.  The only thing this little ditty teaches kids is bad rhymes and it also promotes unreasonable expectations.

So Gayla Peevy, I hate you.  And you Hippopotamus.

Impact Wrestling...where is the logic?


I am a fan of Impact Wrestling, but sometimes it is just aggrivating to watch. I've created a short list of things that IW could do IMMEDIATELY that would improve their production.

1 - Gaps in logic - the Dependence of Events that SHOULD be random.

Impact Wrestling does a sh*tty job of exploiting what should be "random events" so things will fit into a storyline. To me, it is just lazy.

Last night's ref bump was a prime example. The ref went down, to which Hogan made his entrance with a chair, to which Angle was able to use on Sting, get the pinfall, and then stare at Hogan.

What if the ref wouldn't have been bumped? What would Hogan have done? Did he just know/hope the ref would go down so he could come down with a chair? Was he sitting in the back just waiting and hoping the ref would go down?

Isn't Hogan an authority figure in IW? If he wanted Sting to lose, did he have to wait by the entrance for the ref bump so he could interfere? Couldn't he just stack the deck against Sting and add stipulations?

The whole bump/interference just didn't (and rarely does) make sense. Based on last night, Sting could have beaten Angle before Hogan had the chance to bring in the chair. Why would Hogan take the chance?

It just doesn't add up, and serves as an eye-rolling, unbelievable moment that reeks of a scripted, phony show. I know it is fake, but when the action and storylines are presented as "real," then these should-be random events happen, it should still be believable.

2 - Kayfabe or no Kayfabe? Consistency Matters

IW goes back and forth on their presentation of wrestling being real, and wrestling being fake. We all know wrestling is fake...but what is enjoyable is when you can get so captivated in the storylines and in-ring action that you forget it is fake.

With IW, they blur it to the point that it becomes distracting from the storylines and matches.

Another example that comes to mind is Impact Wrestling's use of "Hervey Cam" that shows a wrestler's feelings on an opponent or match. It's presented in a way that adds a degree of realism, and it works.

Viewers SHOULD be able to forget it is fake, without it being constantly thrown in our face that it is. For example, Sting has been a crazy clown for the last several weeks. Yet when he is in the ring with Kurt Angle for a contract signing, he's sane again. Which is it?

So the weeks of trying to convince the audience that Sting is crazy, it is thrown away for a three minute promo where Sting is normal. The constant back and forth of "real life" and "storyline" does nothing but cause distractions to the stories they are trying to tell.

3 - Lose the "insider terms"

The word "ratings" should never be uttered during a wrestling show. Ever. Yet rarely is there a night of Impact where it isn't mentioned, at least once by an announcer, wrestler, or authority figure.

Those wrestling fans who care about what kind of TV rating Impact gets, knows it isn't much...so why mention it? Those fans that don't follow wrestling online, and will never know what TV rating Impact gets, still don't care.

Instead of TALKING about the TV Ratings that the "network" wants, why not focus and delivering stories and wrestling matches that will actually ATTRACT TV viewers? These are just a couple of examples of things said to try to cater to the "Internet Wrestling Community," but all it does is remind their viewers that what they are watching is bullsh*t....that the match isn't about a storyline involving two guys, it's just about the "ratings."

4 - No more Gimmick Matches (at least for awhile)

This is a bit different than the other points I mentioned, but Impact Wrestling has to scale back their use of gimmick matches. Their talent SHOULD be able to tell a story without a gimmick match, and the gimmick match should only ADD to the storyline.

They have a bad history of having gimmick matches for the sake of having gimmick matches. And when they have a gimmick match, say...a cage match....it doesn't make sense to have it in a cage. When a cage match is just thrown together as a regular match, or other wrestlers can enter the cage an interfere, then why even have the cage to begin with?

There is no increase in excitement when Impact Wrestling offers a gimmick match, because they have been done too often, with no logic, and with no need.

Much like the breaks in "reality" and "storyline" IW goes back and forth on, when you have a 4 minute ladder match as a part of the BFG series, why should one be excited to see a ladder match when it would actually benefit feud/storyline?

5 - Will the person in charge please stand up?

Who is in charge of TNA? Bischoff? Hogan? Sting? Foley? Flair? Other "network" executives? And why is Dixie Carter still being mentioned?

When so many individuals are in control, it begs the questions "why?" Why doesn't Hogan just fire Sting? Why doesn't Hogan stack the deck so that Immortal (his selected group) have every title and complete control?

What exactly are Fortune and Immortal fighting over anyways?

Impact Wrestling is trying to be too many things at once...and by doing so they are leaving huge plot-holes, gaps in logic, and delivering show after show that delivers no Impact (pun intended) and that won't be remembered by next week's show.

Hulk Hogan Day, Brother!

Oh, you didn't know?

Hulk Hogan Day is just under a week away! BROTHER! And I am looking forward to it, BROTHER!

Hulk Hogan Day is always observed on the second Saturday in August, which is on August the 12th this year. So why celebrate Hulk Hogan Day? Well I will answer that question by asking another one...why not celebrate Hulk Hogan Day?

Hulk Hogan is arguably the most recognized and influential professional wrestler of all time. Without Hulk Hogan, the world of professional wrestling, as we know it, would not exist. Hulk Hogan is a household name, and the only wrestler to be covered on Sports Illustrated. He has entertained millions and millions of wrestling fans across the globe for more than three decades.

There will never be another Hulk Hogan, and there will never be a phenomenon like Hulk-a-Mania. So The reason I will celebrate Hulk Hogan day is to pay homage to The Legend, the Icon, the Immortal...Hulk Hogan!

That is why I am going to celebrate the day...but if you find yourself intregaed, and find yourself wanting to celebrate, but not sure as to why...try one of these reasons:

- To liven up a nondescript mid-August afternoon.
- To goof around with friends and family.
- To get back in touch with your childhood hero (or my childhood hero at least)
- To celebrate the "good old days" of classic wrestling.
- To have fun!
- To introduce a new generation of kids to the larger-than-life character of Hulk Hogan.

Now, there are several ways in which your can enjoy the day, and spread the Hulktide cheer this August 15th...and I will list 17 of them here...one for each World Title held by the Hulkster...BROTHER!

1. Play the Hulkster's classic 'Real American' theme song on your computer or in your car. Or set the theme as your ring tone for the day. Don't have a copy? Download it here: http://www.hulkhogan.co.uk/realamerican.mp3

2. Wear a brightly-colored bandana on your head...preferably red and/or yellow.

3. Wear red and yellow feather boas and sunglasses. If workplace dress codes forbid this, you could wear a red or yellow tie or outfit to the office.

4. Flex your arms at random intervals throughout the day. This one if one of my favorites. Imagine standing in the checkout line at a store and then just instantly breaking out the Hogan pose...awesome. Just awesome.

5. Have a posing contest with friends to see who can do the best Hogan impression.

6. Buy a can of Hogan's Enegery Drink. And like it.

7. Watch your favorite Hulk Hogan matches or interview moments. I would like to watch every Hulk Hogan WrestleMania Appearance, and will definitely try to.

8. Watch at least one of Hulk Hogan's films. Watching any more than one in one day could be hazardous to your health, so make sure you pick your favorite. Suburban Commando and No Holds Barred would be good choices.

9. Punctuate sentences with the phrases 'dude' and 'brother.' For example, "I'm going to go outside and get the mail, brother." Or "You should have seen that crap, dude!"

10. Reenact famous moments in Hulk Hogan history with your friends or a family member. Taking turns body slamming each other (as Hulk slammed Andre at WrestleMania III) is a great way to continue the Hulkster's legend alive.

11. Grab your shirt and rip it down the center. And then throw it to a child nearby.

12. Wear yellow spandex tights around the house. If you don't have yellow tights, get some tighty-whitey underwear and paint them yellow.

13. Put a yellow and red sign in your car windows with the words "Honk for Hogan" on it. And if a car doesn't honk, pull out the driver, kick his ass, and spray-paint nWo on his back.

14. Call radio stations and request that they play Jimmie Hendrix "Voodoo Child" (Hogan's WCW Theme music) in honor if it being Hulk Hogan Day.

15. Cup your hand to your ear in an exaggerated motion throughout the day. This is another one of my favorites. Whenever you can't hear someone, cup your ear and have them repeat. Then knock them down and hit them with the big leg drop.

16. Get your weight lifting belt (if you don't have one, buy one) and play the air guitar on it as you enter a room.

17. Say your prayers and Take your Vitamins

BROTHER!

Ray Lamontagne - One Lonesome Saddle



well we rode into town like a couple of fools
high on the mezcal, bent low on my mule
i's just trying to find some place where a man might find some rest
wash the tears from my eyes and the blood from my vest

one lonesome saddle
one long and lonesome ride
one lonely cowboy
pining a woman unkind

walked into the saloon on my feet that felt like lead
cold steel hammer pounding into the back of my head
i raise up my glass to the quick and to the dead
saying hey he ain't heavy and a bottle of red

one lonesome saddle
one long and lonesome ride
one lonely cowboy
pining a woman unkind

as the glass it left my lips, i felt her hand upon me
her smile it was so warm but her eyes were so cold
she says to me now, "won't you please walk beside me"
i just shut my mouth and i did as i was told

one lonesome saddle
one long and lonesome ride
one lonely cowboy
pining a woman, cold-hearted woman
pining a woman unkind

Zombie Ants!

I didn't believe this when I first heard of it, but this is pretty crazy.